Sittin by the phone

I feel like a teenager waiting for the boy to call. Only this time it is my dad. Will he call or am I wasting my time?

He has been in the state (he lives in Texas) and leaves tomorrow. I am feeling pretty crappy tonight since I spoke with him last night and he said "I'll email yout he phone number and some pictures. Maybe we can get together sometime tomorrow". No email and no call. It is now after 6:30pm. I don't think it is coming.

I won't bore you with the details of why he hasn't called. Unless he called while I was on the phone gabbing to a friend this afternoon and couldn't get through. But still no email. Seem slike seeing five of his grand children would be at the top of his list. Welp, apparently not.

My kids don't even know who he is. I guess that is partly my fault too. I don't talk about him much. I don't know when I'll talk to him or when I'll see him. I can call him and at times he won't call back and we go MONTHS without talking. Why call and leave a message when he won't return the call. I don't get it.

I guess I do a bit, his wife doesn't like me. Well, this is my step mom who has been married to him for almost 30yrs. she doesn't want to have anything to do with me or my family. She is in Utah with him. This trip was an adoption party of sorts for my step brother and his wife. They live in Texas too (same town). My Step brother and his wife came to Utah to adopt their first child. I am so happy for them, but irritated that no one thinks ahead of things to see my kids. We rank low ont he totum pole obviously.

No I'm not bitter, oh no! I am beyond it now! I set myself up for hurt and I get it. It has been this way for 12.5yrs. You'd think I would be over it. I think I can count the time my dad has seen my kids on one hand. My oldest is almost 10.

I am about ready to write him out of my life. I know my mom would say it is about time. She is my dearest friend and I can't talk to her about this.

I'm sorry to be such a downer! My feelings are so raw and I'm hurting right now.

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