Sisters
I have two sisters. Both are half sisters, one 11yrs younger the other 17yrs younger than me. In reality they are strangers to me. How is that family members can be strangers? That is my reality. I am strangers pretty much with all my family, except my mom (but that wasn't always so).
I think I have spoken to my sister (11yrs younger) a few times in the past 13 1/2 years. That is when I got married. She was 10. It is hard to be something to someone when you aren't allowed to call home. Shortyly after Scott and i were married, my step mom decided we were no longer welcome. So in a sense we were disowned. She made it extremely hard on my dad. Pretty much we were estranged from him "to save the marriage". I was "okay" with it. I felt my dad saving his marriage was more important. I began my family, and I wanted him to have his. I didn't realize how hard it would be. I stopped talking to pretty much everyone, both brothers and my sister too. Funny thing is, same thing happened to my brother (blood) when he got married. He stayed in Austin area though. I left.
My other sister, is pretty much self explanitory. She is 17 years younger than me. She was born my senior year in highschool. My mom was not married and that went against all I had been taught. I was MAD. I stopped talking to my mom. When I got married my sister was four. Scott and I watched her once before we moved to Maui. When I talked to my mom, I didn't talk to my sister much. When I did it was jsut a short conversation. Nothing to really build a relationship on, a real one. I knew I loved her, but didn't know her.
In June, my mom moved to Utah. My sister, who is a senior and 17 (same age I was when she was born), moved to Austin to live with her dad. Still, not much of a chance to get to know her. NOW, she is here. I am so struggling...How in the world do you get to know a 17 year old? Seriously? She has been here for a week and I haven't made much headway. What does she like to do? Text her boyfriend apparently! What do we have in common? A mom, that is about it, it seems. I am determined to make this happen. I want it to.
While I was mad I missed a lot of things. I missed my two sisters grow up. I'm not sure I could help missing one. I definately could have taken more time on the other one even if it was by the phone or email as she got older. I am to blame for that. I could have tried to keep in contact with my brothers too. Atleast one needed me.
I have decided to not be so selfish or self centered and try hard to regain the family ties I once had. I have told myself over and over it was my step mom's loss. Apparently along the way, I lost myself and a majority of my family trying to seperate myself from someone who has chosen to not be part of my life. I left the othes behind when I did so. Some I didn't have a choice, the others were adults like me and could make their own choices. I lost my brothers too. That is a whole other story.
While all this was happening years ago, I clug to my husbands family. They seemed whole. Sure every family has issues, but they seemed perfect. No divorce and close knit. They were happy to have me. I left mine behind...it hurts now. Time to make changes.
I think I have spoken to my sister (11yrs younger) a few times in the past 13 1/2 years. That is when I got married. She was 10. It is hard to be something to someone when you aren't allowed to call home. Shortyly after Scott and i were married, my step mom decided we were no longer welcome. So in a sense we were disowned. She made it extremely hard on my dad. Pretty much we were estranged from him "to save the marriage". I was "okay" with it. I felt my dad saving his marriage was more important. I began my family, and I wanted him to have his. I didn't realize how hard it would be. I stopped talking to pretty much everyone, both brothers and my sister too. Funny thing is, same thing happened to my brother (blood) when he got married. He stayed in Austin area though. I left.
My other sister, is pretty much self explanitory. She is 17 years younger than me. She was born my senior year in highschool. My mom was not married and that went against all I had been taught. I was MAD. I stopped talking to my mom. When I got married my sister was four. Scott and I watched her once before we moved to Maui. When I talked to my mom, I didn't talk to my sister much. When I did it was jsut a short conversation. Nothing to really build a relationship on, a real one. I knew I loved her, but didn't know her.
In June, my mom moved to Utah. My sister, who is a senior and 17 (same age I was when she was born), moved to Austin to live with her dad. Still, not much of a chance to get to know her. NOW, she is here. I am so struggling...How in the world do you get to know a 17 year old? Seriously? She has been here for a week and I haven't made much headway. What does she like to do? Text her boyfriend apparently! What do we have in common? A mom, that is about it, it seems. I am determined to make this happen. I want it to.
While I was mad I missed a lot of things. I missed my two sisters grow up. I'm not sure I could help missing one. I definately could have taken more time on the other one even if it was by the phone or email as she got older. I am to blame for that. I could have tried to keep in contact with my brothers too. Atleast one needed me.
I have decided to not be so selfish or self centered and try hard to regain the family ties I once had. I have told myself over and over it was my step mom's loss. Apparently along the way, I lost myself and a majority of my family trying to seperate myself from someone who has chosen to not be part of my life. I left the othes behind when I did so. Some I didn't have a choice, the others were adults like me and could make their own choices. I lost my brothers too. That is a whole other story.
While all this was happening years ago, I clug to my husbands family. They seemed whole. Sure every family has issues, but they seemed perfect. No divorce and close knit. They were happy to have me. I left mine behind...it hurts now. Time to make changes.
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