Goodbye Teeka

 

 

 

Today was the day. I took Teeka to the vet to be put to sleep. My kids still don't know. I'm not sure how to tell them.

This morning started like any other and I knew I had been putting this off. I wanted to do this while the kids were at school. Friday and Monday are no school days. I knew if I didn't act it would be another week before I would do it. I didn't want to be the one to do it. I also knew that Scott wouldn't do it.

Scott had been giving her the cold shoulder pretty much for a week. She was MORE HIS cat than mine. He was the one she would go to immediately. She did sleep on MY head though, probably because Scott would never "let her". Like I have a say while I'm alseep. hehe I had even asked him WHY it had to be me. Now, I feel like alittle kid "WHY ME?". He is more practical and probably could have done this better than me. BUT, I knew it had to be me.

I wanted to be the one she saw last who was touching and petting her. I guess I am a glutten for for punishment. In reality, I have known people who have had pets put down and I thought it wouldn't be THAT hard. I will never think that again. It is a loss, no matter how you look at it. It isn't like flushing a fish or burrying a hamster you jsut got a month ago. This is different. It is like part of you has been taken away. That part was removed because you couldn't handle it anymore...you did it. You asked them to kill your family member. It hurts! I KNOW, I didn't have much of a choice and I keep saying that over and over again as I think about feeling her slip away.

The vet talked to me for a few minutes, wondering why I was putting a "healthy" cat down. He had treated her before and was familiar with our saga. He understood and even agreed it was a good option given her age. It would be hard to find a pet free home to give her too with her peeing problem. So he went to get a tech to help. It hought it would be a quick shot in the scruff of the neck. It is actually done intrevenusly so he had to find a vein in her leg. I didn't get to hold her like I wanted but I was petting her and holding her head. I told her "thank you for being in my family" and asked her to "forgive me". I know it was quick, probably faster than I thought it was. They gave me some time to say my good byes. I picked her up and didn't want to put her down.

I was a mess. I couldn't seem to compose myself for a while. I knew I couldn't face my children yet. I had arranged for Alicia to pick Journey up from pre-school and Heather watched Bryan. I am so thankful for such dear friends who will let me call and dump on them. I now can keep my composure and not think too much about it. I did come home and find Teeka's last meal still on my bed where I left the plate of canned food. That made me cry. So I am hidden in here writing my feelings down.

I thought Scott was so very practical and wouldn't be phased. I could hear a tinge of soberness in his voice. I KNOW this will be harder on him than he will admitt. He taught her how to fetch. They were buds!

The vet told me to tell the kids Teeka had a kidney disease that could not be cured and needed to be put down. Wich he said could be the case. I think they will understand that. But for now we are not sure how to breach this subject. Please if you see my kids don't say anything to them about Teeka yet. We will pick up her body on Saturday so we have bought ourselves some time. She hides a lot so the kids won't know today unless we decide to tell them.

Teeka was part of our family...like another child almost. She will be missed. I hope that the plan of salvation takes into account our beloved pets. We were her only "humans". She will be missed very much.