Time to look up....

Things have a way of happening around here that make me feel a wee bit chastened and a lot loved.

Yesterday after my doctors appointment and my anger subsided. Scott came home early (WOW!), dinner wasn't ready and the house was a disaster. We talked for a few minutes and he said two things to me that REALLY hurt. First he said "your depression is contagious". I said something to the affect "Fine, I'll go bury my head". Then a few minutes later he said "It is hard to help someone who isn't happy with what they are going through". you might ask "how does any of that make you feel loved". Well that didn't, it is what came next.

I went to my room and laid down and he came in to work on the FHE lesson. I didn't want to be near him so I left and said I needed to make sure homework was done. He followed me! ARGH!! He said he would make dinner (JAW DROP!). He asked me to do the lesson, at that point I had turned on the TV and wanted to be left alone. So I grabbed the Ensign that came yesterday. I began flipping through it. It seemed many of them pertained to ME. Now, how is that?

I settled down and read a few. I decided to use "Looking to the Lord" (p62). I checked to link it here, but September is not online yet. Mary N. Cook of the YW presidency recounts a story about when she and her husband are serving in Asia and would walk up Wan Chai Gap, a trail near their home. She said they often walked that path. That particular day it was more of a punishment than exercise. She was focused on looking down at the path and only looking down. It was hard! She thought she would never reach the top. She said "I made an interesting discovery that day. When I looked down, my vision was limited to the narrow stretch of pavement. Trudging along, I saw the same narrow view of pavement, pavement, pavement. But when I looked up, I had a glorious view ahead of me. I saw trees with bright yellow flowers." She went on to explain the beauties she saw.

I gave that as a lesson last night. Looking toward the Lord we can see the beauty of those things around us. "Do we allow our circumstances to limit our view, or do we look up to the Lord, who can expand our vision?". I was allowing my circumstances cloud my view.

She quotes from "For the Strength of the Youth", the First Presidency promises: " The Lord will make much more out of your life than you can by yourself. He will increase your opportunities, expand your vision, and strengthen you. He will give you the help you need to meet your trials and challenges." I was bawling last night as I was trying to share the lesson I had learned.

Lindsey had wanted to pass of a "Faith in God" requirement last night also. She added to the lesson. She said the opening prayer for FHE then she said she had to say something things after it. She explained her feelings (bore her testimony) of prayer. It hit home.

I need to use the atonement and Look to the Lord and let Him help me through this challenge I have. He can help me with the things in my view. Do I dwell on the negative or look to the positive? I am not sure how to do that, really. I am going on faith and prayer. I want to enjoy life and ignore the pain.

I do have another doctor's appointment this afternoon, so maybe I'll be closer to an answer. I have to do my part too as I let Him do his.